I remember I use to go out and lie about having finished College. It seemed as if I couldn't avoid being in a converstion reminiscing about “the good old College days” and they would share epic stories of life-altering FIRST and I would just sit there, with a blank stare.
You see my college experience was a bit different. At the last minute, I ended up not going away to college and struggling to apply to school (2 weeks before the semester started). Resulting in me going to a community college 90 minutes from home via train.
I hated it. I blamed my family and I decided not to go to class. Ultimately causing me to fail my classes (except English. I love English. I always went to that class.) And as I got older and struggled going back numerous times.
I'd spent about 7 years finishing up 3 years of college off and on. Often only taking one or two classes at a time.
So when I would go to parties, I was too embarrassed to say I didn't finish.. I was afraid of how people would react. Did that make me a failure because I never got my degree? Does that mean I don’t value education because I didn’t bother to finish?
IDK what it makes me but I had to accept I wasn’t concerned with how others were viewing me. I was subconsciously projected my insecures upon other people. I felt like a failure.
I watched my friends go to school, graduate and get good jobs and I just sat around piling up meaningless “work experience” and I felt bad about it.
So I started to lie because in that moment it made me feel better. It helped me avoid "judgement" or explaining myself. Then the lie continued because I realized how great it sounded but now years later, I decided to stop being a fraud and apply for College.
You don't like something about your life - do something about it!
Now I am going back for all the right reasons. I am going back because I want to finish my degree in English. I now know I don’t need a piece of paper for validation and I am exciting about this next chapter in my life.
The funny thing about life is that it will give you so many chances to change before it eventually FORCES it upon you.
The forces where you get sick and it FINALLY results in you eating healthier and working out.
The forces where the guy cheats on you and has a baby and FINALLY results in you leaving the already toxic relationship.
The forces where you get fired and FINALLY apply for a job you enjoy because you can no longer complain about the old job.
MORAL OF THE STORY: DECIDE TO CHANGE BEFORE LIFE FORCES YOU!
Seriously, take a good hard look at your life and the shit that you're complaining about. Ask yourself do you need to take action or just adjust your perspective.
You see we tend to measure the quality of our lives based on an outdated grading system. So ask yourself if what your doing, is based on the life that you want to live or the life you planned to live 10/20 years ago?
You don't get an F in LIFE because you aren't Married with Children yet if that it isn't a top priority for you.
You don't get an F in LIFE because you haven't run a marathon when you can give two shits about that anymore (FYI: I'm totally training for the NYC marathon).
HELL EVEN IF THOSE THINGS ARE STILL PRIORTIES TO YOU - YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
But you have to decide to focus on changing that aspect of your life because avoidance never works out. Trust me I've tried ( I bet you have too).
So ever so often you need to reexamine your life and make sure the thoughts, habits, and actions you're taking is aligned with YOUR CURRENT desires.
Do What Is Best For You Right Now.
Change what is outdated. And Keep Moving Forward.
We are consonstantly growing and evolving, so don't beat up on yourself for things you never completed, if you no longer care.
Someone wise once told me - I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE MY MIND.
Boy oh Boy do I live by that now! It's okay if you changed your mind. Accept it.
Also don't lie.
I've decided to go back to school and that excites the shit out of me!!!
Do what excites you!
NOW OFF YOU GO!
PUT YOUR CAPE BACK ON AND SAVE YOURSELF.
GO BE PHENOMENAL!