I am not a B!tch!
I swear, I am not but as I begin to create new boundaries in my relationships, that word has been flying around a bit. I feel like I am in a constant battle between:
A timid little girl who doesn't want to step on anyones
toes and will swallow her needs just to keep the peace.
An adult trying to create HEALTHY boundaries that allows her to protect
her feelings and still be supportive of others, without jeporadizing her own sanity.
When I was back in NYC last week, I got a quick glimpse into how bad things had really gotten in my "needs" to make other people happy.
I went to the Nail Salon with my Best Friend and she had to constantly keep stopping the Nail Techniqition because she was doing the MOST (scrubbing her feet to hard, rushing and over cutting her cuticles and not giving her a foot massage).
As I judged her for expressing her frustrations to the Tech, I realized how many times I had been to the nail salon and didn't like the service I was receiving and I HAD never spoken up about it.
Although, I was paying for a service, I didn't want to inconvenience the person helping me.
A huge lump will form in my throat and I'll reply the scenario in my mind over and over and somehow it just never goes in my favor - so insteand of speaking up for myself and my desires, I just bite the bullet.
I had worked in retail for years and I hated when people complained about things but now in that very moment in the nail salon I accepted that I am bat shit crazy - when I do not tell people they are doing something I do not like (especially a service I am paying for) the action continue and the ONLY person who ends up hurting is ME.
I caused myself to suffer through "injustices" rather than ask for what I wanted or needed out of fear of hurting others, and I know how to handle hurt, so I would just add more onto my plate, when speaking up could've very easily done the trick.
The I know I am NOT alone, so many people reach out to me who are afraid to ASK for what they want and I have a message for those people.
REPEAT WITH ME: I Am Safe. It is safe for me to ask for what I want. It is safe for me to express my feelings. It is safe for me to share my story. It is safe for me to be me.
As you move forward in life, create healthy boundaries for yourself and allow the HEALED YOU to call the shots.
Trust that you creating boundaries for yourself is NOT to hurt anyone, they are to protect yourself.
And you saying NO to people doesn’t make you a bitch, it doesn’t make you a bad Person.
It is so easy to get caught up in the mindset of your younger selves and our need to be loved and accepted - that as adults we fear the word NO will jeopardize our relationships.
When in reality it won’t, the person may not under and that okay but ultimately at the end of the day - you need to protect yourself and your feelings.
As long as your actions aren’t from
A bad place, stand firm in your boundaries and don’t back down!
Saying NO needs no explanation - it is a complete sentence.