Can I be vulnerable with you?
Of course, I can.
This is a judge free zone.
Last Wednesday, I was aimlessly scrolling through Facebook when I stumbled upon another coaches page who had just made $50,000 for the month of MAY in her business and I got so freaking jealous.
Let’s call this coach Jenny - I decided to stalk Jenny's every move for the past 30 days to SEE just how she actually MADE 50k. Honestly, I was secretly hoping to figure out that she was lying and a total fake.
My inner Mean Girl was in full effect and the more I searched her page, I struggled to find any VALID reasons to dislike her. In the past, I would celebrate seeing a grammatical error or just unfriended her, so I wouldn't have to be reminded of where I am not in my business but I couldn't help but love her.
And that made me even madder.
Obviously not mad at her but mad at myself, for looking for reasons to hate on another woman. You know I talk all this women empowerment shit and here I am, jealous of Jenn's success.
I struggled even to accept that that was really happening but it was true - I was jealous and comparing myself.
As perfect and positive as I try to be, I felt like a failure (fraud) and that was tough for me because I REALLY do want Jenny (and other women/men) to succeed but I felt like I was being left behind. My insecurities about myself and my own progress were rising to the surface and I couldn't avoid it.
I had to face facts - Jenny is a total BADASS and I can see why clients flock to her because she has such an amazing energy and I just wanted to be apart of her world. So I needed to take a step back and realize that the success of another person HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
Jenny manifested those results and soulmate clients and if Lakisha would stop being so focused on Jenny’s plate than Lakisha could sell out ALL 5 spots in her private coaching program and be celebrating her own growth.
But I celebrated Jenny's success and dropped the need to be envious and allow myself to not ONLY see what is possible for me but that I still have some healing to do around - receiving.
You see I was raised hearing:
There is ONLY but so much to go around (thus creating lack mentality that ONLY a few people can succeed).
I never made 50,000 a year in my day job, so to see someone making 50k a month, was causing my brain to overheat.
And if there is ONLY so much to go around, then Jenny's 50k month means less money for me.
And I began to panic but I am a student of the Universe and asked myself "What is this jealousy trying to teach me?"
LESSON 1: Celebrate Growth
I have no idea how long Jenny has been in business or what she did to create her success, all I saw was the number and that wasn't a valid reason to be jealous.
I cannot allow myself to get caught up in someone else's results and forget about how FAR I have come ( been self-employed for 10 months and counting, living out my dreams poolside in Hollywood).
Tony Robbins says if you are not growing you are dying!
Truthfully, I have grown so much in the past 12 months it is insane and I needed to be reminded of that and celebrate.
So I took Wednesday off from work and decided the day for fun.
Lesson #2: Abundant Universe
So often we can look at the World as a slice of pie and think that the more pie someone has, the less is available for us.
And that proven to be the truth with Jenny, I felt like her success meant fewer clients for me when there are billions of people on the plant and Jenny working with 6 STILL leaves tons of room for me to be FULLY BOOKED.
The Universe is abundant and there is ALWAYS enough for me and everyone else.
Lesson #3: Choose Love
No one benefits from spreading hate.
I didn't need to become an internet Troll, I could become an ally and spread the love. Jenny has worked for this moment and I wanted to be apart of the celebration, so I thanked her (for showing me what is possible).
I NOW feel so much better about the situation because I reaped no benefit from being jealous of her but gain tremendously from loving and celebrating her.
There is ALWAYS more to go around and NO need to fight or be jealous, just embrace one another because we have no idea what it took for that person to get to where they are right now.
Lesson 4: I am human
Moments of jealous can still pop up and it doesn't mean I'm not doing the work but it represents the fact that the work is NEVER done, there is ALWAYS more to learn.
And I am excited about the lessons, I will learn on my way to 50k months and trust I will share every moment with you.
No matter what level you are at in your life and business, acknowledge the crappy feelings and find the lesson in the experience.
PS: I seriously love you guys.