Isn't it crazy how a guy breaking up with you (that you KNOW you aren't meant to be with) can still feel like a rejection.
I've been in way too many relationships with toxic men that I knew were no good for me and yet when they walked away from me - I felt alone.
Left for dead with no care what happens to me.
Men who said they loved me, that just walked away.
And as much as I knew it wasn't going to work out - I still felt broken and unlovable. UNTIL I finally realize it wasn't the m
en making me feel like a reject it was myself.
I had adapted the belief that I was unworthy, unlovable and going to end up alone - long before I even started dating. I made the decision as a child I would be alone.
Of course, I attracted men who would leave me. I wasn't ready for love. I didn't believe it was possible.
I had a slew of reasons why and they all seemed valid.
so I wrote them out on a piece of paper.
I FEEL REJECTED WHEN....
I FEEL ABANDONED WHEN....
And I allowed the emotions to slash onto the page.
I wasn't worried about how I would look to other people or even myself. I was just opened and honest. The pages in my journal was the safest p
lace for me to be and I bared my soul.
My heart ached as I continued to write and cry and write and cry.
This went on for what seemed like days but by the time I stopped writing, I no longer felt unworthy because I knew everything I wrote on the paper - although extremely painful - wasn't the truth about who I was.
Those people and experiences do not define me or decide how I live my life.
As I lit the pages on fire in my kitchen - I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and I knew things would be different this time. Because I wouldn't be worried about who was staying or going in my life because I CHOOSE ME.
I CHOOSE TO LOVE, HONOR AND ACCEPT ME.
Exactly as I am and I knew from that day forward whoever came into my life had to do the same. And if they decided to walk away that was their loss. Because I am a badass chick.
I can honestly say that and MEAN IT NOW.