Metamorphosis

Here is your permission slip.

To be exactly who you want to be.

To say exactly what you want to say.

To do exactly what you want to do.

And not give a flying fuck what anyone else has to say.

I can’t tell you how often I talk to women who don’t FULLY feel comfortable being themselves. Women who are hiding behind who their parents, partner, friends, and society wants them to be.

They are so afraid of judgment and failure that they talk themselves out of FULLY living and experiencing pleasure.

Wasting so much time and energy being someone there not.

Frankly, being a boring basic bish.

Who is scared of her power.

Scared of shaking shit up. Scared of abandonment. Scared of her truth. Scared of FEELING.

She’s numb. She has a to-do list of shit to get down and she’s just mechanically going through life.

Disconnected AF.

She’s been numb for so freaking long that the idea of feeling anything scares the shit out of her.

She doesn’t cry. She just rages, complains, and then puts on a brave face to get shit done.

She plays small. She hides.

She shrinks herself to make others comfortable.

Does that sound familiar?

Trust me I get it.

I didn’t feel much of anything in my 20s. I spent my days chasing boys, waiting to clock out of work, downing fireball shots, and pretending everything was okay. But when I got home I re-watched sad episodes of Grey’s Anatomy just so I could feel something.

I had experienced so much wild shit by the time I was 25 that the only way I could connect to my emotions was by watching fictional characters die on tv.

Riddled with anxiety and constantly waiting for the worst-case scenario to happen.

I was numb. Which means I couldn’t fully experience pleasure.

When things would go good in my life I couldn’t enjoy it. I didn’t believe it would last long.

It didn’t feel safe to be happy.

The truth is when you shut yourself off from feeling pain - you’ve also shut out pleasure.