Yesterday, I was on the phone talking to my Best Friend about boys, which happens to be one of my favorite past times but I realized this conversation was MUCH different than the ones I've had in my past.
My views on dating, love, and commitment have completely shifted.
And this conversation was evident.
I stopped having sex 4 months ago because I am tired of meaningless relationships. I want commitment, I am ready for my soulmate. I have been spending the past 4 months cleaning up my daddy issues and any limiting belief that said I can't have love.
Internal healing wasn't as sexy as it sounds. I spend so many nights crying and listening to sad love songs in hopes that my soulmate would just walk into Starbucks and get on one knee - telling me it was love at first sight.
I wanted the leg work to be over but the more work I did the more I realized I was looking for a relationship to VALIDATE ME. Once I got a partner (got married) that I was finally worthy of love and that just isn't true.
With or without my partner, I am worthy. I have always been worthy.
Despite my disastrous dating life - I will always be worthy. And me not having that relationship is on me because I am not a vibrational match for it.
If my soulmate did walk into Starbucks I wouldn't be ready for him. I wasn't ready to be open and vulnerable. I hadn't fully decided what LOVE really is and how I want to experience it.
Obviously, I never had it.
The past 4 months have allowed me to dig deeper and heal my wounds and raise my fucking standards. Not having sex has just been a byproduct of my rising self-esteem.
It felt good to take time off and figure out who I am and what I want without the distractions of dating.
I needed to feel whole and worthy of love, all on my own.
As I began to map out my desires, I started to become the version of me who loves herself unconditionally. Now when guys try to run a game on me, I can easily say "THANK YOU, NEXT".
IT IS NO LONGER A STAB TO MY EGO IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT.
I'm not fixated on trying to make every guy who smiles at me the ONE and it feels damn good. So as I'm on the phone and I'm giving her advice and reflecting on who I use to be, I can't help but laugh.
Before I loved to play games and try and convince men HOW incredibly amazing I am and why they should stop casually dating and settle down with me (which never worked by the way) and it always left me feeling unworthy and unlovable.
But now things are different.
PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK.
I feel confident, worthy and more attractive than ever, I am confident and secure with who I am. I wake up and VALIDATE my damn self. I love and accept myself exactly, as I am and it's liberating.
It takes the pressure off of dating because I feel comfortable being me.
Any man would be lucky to have me. I am a hot commodity now and I didn't feel that way before. So now my advice is different, the way I look at love is different and I'm grateful to myself for CHOOSING what I want long term. Instead of temporary satisfaction (aka Fuck Buddy who would lead me on).
I AM NO LONGER INTERESTED IN SETTLING.
And I want the best for my friends and my clients.
Whether you're freaking out about your dating life or not, ask yourself WHERE AM I SETTLING?
WHERE CAN I RAISE MY STANDARDS?
COMMENT BELOW OR MESSAGE ME WITH YOUR ANSWERS.
PS: YOU CAN MANIFEST YOUR DESIRES WITH RAPID SPEED WHEN YOU BELIEVE THEY ARE ALREADY YOURS.
Not in dating, friendships, career, body - none of it.
You get to hold out for what you want.
Some days it may be easier than others but it's so worth it.
Hold the faith.
Believe you can have it.
Believe it is already yours.
Decide that it is done.