Why your “self-love journey” still led you to Dusty Ryan instead of Secure Steve

He asked you a coffee date to which you hesitantly, accepted and it was smooth - the vibes were right and it's mutual a second date is wanted.

Except one thing he hasn't planned it.

He keeps texting asking how your day is and when he can see you again but has yet to make any solid plans.

You cut him off and start again.

Only to be met with the same fate.

Another, dusty Ryan.

You've journaled, done yoga and even gone celibate but NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

Dusty Ryan feels exciting because:

• He’s hot and cold

• You’re unsure where you stand

• You’re trying to earn his attention

You're craving the dopamine hit your body gets every time he responds back.

And your body goes: “Ah yes… this feels like home.”

That’s not chemistry - it's an unsecured attachment.

Self-love that lives only in the mind doesn’t change who you’re drawn to.

Because dating isn’t a mindset game — it’s a felt-safety game.

Secure Jack doesn't trigger your wounds.

He texts consistently.

He follows through.

He doesn’t make you guess.

He's emotionally available and actually likes you.

And if your body equates calm with boredom…

you’ll friend-zone him or feel “no spark.”

Not because he’s wrong —

but because your system hasn’t learned that peace is safe.

This is where most self-love work stops short.

Embodied self-love teaches your body:

• It’s safe to be chosen

• It’s safe to receive consistency

• It’s safe to relax in love

• You don’t have to perform to be kept

When the body updates, your dating patterns change without forcing better choices.

You stop chasing.

You stop over-explaining.

You stop settling for potential.

And Secure Jack suddenly feels… attractive.

Not because you tried harder or he got a new haircut

but because your nervous system finally learned

that love doesn’t have to hurt to be real.

If you’re ready to stop confusing anxiety with chemistry,

my private 1:1 somatic love coaching is open.

DM LOVE if this landed.